Here's how to keep a deep secret

Got a secret that you can't reveal? Here's how to keep your silence, and your friend

Zip it, lock it 

If someone close has decided to share information with you — despite your disclaimer — try and weigh the importance of this information, advises clinical psychologist Dr Manasi Bhat. Put yourself in their shoes suggests Shetty. Would you want those around you to be in the know if this was your secret, for instance?

Interestingly, there is a remedy. Pranayama, vipassana or any other form of meditation is a good tool to help your mind focus, and reflect on your actions. "Wait before you speak. Run the conversation you are about to have in your head first," says Shetty.

If you must tell, choose who you reveal the secret to wisely. Besides being a good keeper, this person should not be connected to your friend's world. This does away with the fear that more people in your group will find out. Better still, keep a journal in which you can jot down all that you can't repeat. Sites such as Whisper and Postsecret, where you can post anonymous entries, can help you scratch the itch without doing much damage.

Apologize, explain 

In case the damage is done, "think through an apology that will work" suggests Shetty. "Offer an explanation but make sure you admit you were wrong and take steps to rebuild the trust," says Bhat.

Forgive, maybe forget 

If someone has blabbered about your innermost fears and feelings to the world, do they deserve a second chance? Shetty says it's important to learn to differentiate between a mistake and a habit. Mistakes can happen once or twice but if you see a pattern, take a call.

If it's a friend you would like to keep, try talking it out. Express your feelings of hurt and betrayal in an assertive — not aggressive — manner. "Listen before you judge. Your friend is the same person who you chose to share your feelings with," Bhat says.